Trust The Process

“Like I said, I don’t care. I’m fairly over it at this point it’s just lame” –  A  Todd Gurley owner who won’t make the playoffs

Some of my fantasy football supporters may be wondering why I decided to trade away Melvin Gordon for Aaron Jones yesterday to the esteemed Mr.Kyle and it is pretty simple. I think it was a good trade for everyone involved.

For Melvin: I didn’t want Melvin to be on a middling team that didn’t have the capacity to win this year. It’s like the years when Lebron James was on the mid-2000’s Cavs or like currently with Todd Gurley being on Jonah’s team. Wasting a generational talent is a sin and I wanted to give a player who has given so much to me over the years a chance to win the title.

For Aaron: Aaron Jones was splitting RB2 play time with Kerryon Johnson. He specifically told me that was unacceptable and wanted out. With my team, he and James Conner will be able to split RB1 time together based on performance and he definitely will not be spending any time in the flex position.

For Kyle: Kyle much like myself didn’t have any good keepers this year but crafted a hell of a team. He considers himself in win-now mode and traded away future roster flexibility for the opportunity to have Melvin this year. No further explanation needed.

For Me: Here are some of my guarantees:

  1. I beat Justin this week
  2. Aaron Jones outscores Melvin this week and the rest of the season
  3. I beat Jonah next week
  4. I win the championship next year

Did I hedge my bets? Hell yeah, i did. No Regrets. Keeping James Conner in the 6th and Aaron Jones in the 5th will allow my team to compete for multiple years down the road.

It’s interesting when people complain about this but not about teams not even putting in a full starting lineup, people trading away a draft position for nothing, and Kaity being allowed to have her own team after this year’s performance.

Oh wait but when that stupidity benefits your own team it is ok right?

Best,

Kevin

Posted on 778-223-3618Categories 581-346-32874699488269

10 Ways to Prevent Sandbagging in your Fantasy League

It’s that time of year for fantasy teams around the nation. The writing is on the wall for some of the league’s more daft players that may or may not have had a few massive miscalculations throughout the season. It always sucks for the rest of the field when players dump off players or make lopsided trades going down the home stretch, so as an experienced fantasy commish of over 7 years I decided I’d write up a few quick and easy ways you can keep your league from going to complete shit in the last few weeks.

1) Implementing a Points For Prize

It’s a foolproof way to keep fantasy owners interested. Offering a points for prize at the end of the year means that no matter how screwed over you get on Points Against that year, you are guaranteed to at least make your money back.

2) Distribute incentives based on the results of the consolation bracket

Whether it be a money prize or first shot at your draft position the next year, having the consolation playoffs be worth something means the fun doesn’t end if Leonard Foreskin boned you for a majority of the year.

3) Verbally threaten lame fantasy owners

The tongue like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood.
-Buddha
I mean if Buddha says it’s okay then it’s okay to give that flat foot that decided this year wasn’t good enough for him/her a piece of your mind.
 .
4) Physically threaten lame fantasy owners

Having a couple spry running backs that are trending upwards may increase your chances of winning the league next year, but not having fingers to draft next September might hurt your chances of getting that top spot in 2019.

5) Randomly shuffle all of the rosters 

If your team isn’t going to win this year, you might as well root for Team Chaos. Give those teams a good shake up and pray.

6) Flip the league to a Fantasy Hockey League after the Trade Deadline

I know Kerryon Johnson is a jitterbug in the backfield, but what does he look like on the ice? Make sure you hold onto your fullbacks and tight ends, probably Frank Gore too. Let’s see those F R E S H L E G S escape Tom Wilson sending ya boi into the glass 10 times a game.

7) Make the sandbagger roll 77 7’s in a row during the off season to get back into the league

If Grits and Gravy can do it, you can.

8) Establish a height rule for all trades (Around <6’4″ should suffice)

These type of players are too high and mighty to see the value in legitimate competition anyways.

9) Don’t tell Illinois based players when or where the draft is next year

I’m sure word will get around down in the “Windy City”. If you’re meant to draft next year, it’ll happen.

10) Make sure James Connor has a convenient “jetski” accident this offseason.

If he can survive cancer, I’m sure he can survive a broken leg.

(442) 215-1421

It’s no question that the Giants have been a rolling tumbleweed of talent getting kicked across the NFC East by teams quarterbacked by Alex Smith and Dak Prescott. But something just doesn’t seem seem right in New York right now. Last year, all signs pointed to Ben McAdoo as the sole reason that the Giants were a laughing stock of the NFL, but he’s gone now and the train is still careening straight into the direction of another 2 or 3 win season. It’so easy to blame this guy:

But I think everyone watching knows that Eli isn’t the only thing that’s wrong with the Giants right now, just like ousting McAdoo didn’t solve it last year. There’s something more to this entire situation and I think I’m catching onto it thanks to what the media likes to deem as “antics” by some of the players on the sideline. I was first tipped off that something was awry during the matchup versus the Eagles on October 11th when OBJ took out his frustrations on a nearby fan.

Source:  /twitter.com/thecheckdown/status/1050577205783232514

Everyone chalked this up to another childish outburst by Beckham but it boggles my mind that no one was asking what he was yelling at that fan? I have sources close to the guy in the black pants at the top right of the frame that he was actually cursing the name of the one who must not be named. Who is that you may ask? The answer is simple: Tom Coughlin. Everything was going smoothly in New York before Tom “left”. Sure they had a bit of a skid at the end of the 2015 season, but if those are the criterion for being fired then Andy Reid should never hold a job for longer than a year. It’s no secret that the man himself was pushed out of New York at the end of the season, and it’s my belief that Tom Coughlin wanted to make a lasting impact after his forced resignation. You may ask what does this have to do with a fan? Well, the answer is nothing.. until you start to look at the bigger picture.

Remember this guy?

Or how about this guy?

It’s obvious that, just like Hue Jackson and winning football games, the Giants and inanimate objects do not get along. Now the next part of this theory isn’t really a logical step but more of a logical leap across a the 20ft chasm between Michael Strahan’s two front teeth. What other situation involved inanimate objects being used to facilitate evil? That’s right, Harry Potter himself and the horcruxes of Voldemort. What was Voldemort’s real name? Oh that’s right. TOM. What was his last name? RIDDLE. As in

“You’ll never solve the riddle that my last name is Coughlin and no one is ever going to realize I’m not after world domination, I’m here to sabotage the Giants forever.”

Now I’m not saying Tom employed the same tactics but I think it’s fairly obvious some sort of quasi-horcrux situation is going down in New York right now.  I don’t know how or when Tom did this but I do know that some of the players like OBJ and Shepard are catching onto it. I even think that some of the people in the organization may be horcruxes. Ben McAdoo realized fairly early on that he himself was one and that’s why he benched Eli, thus getting himself fired and destroying another horcrux. Is Eli a horcrux himself? Maybe, it’s up for discussion.

I will be doing more research on this as the season goes on, some theories may be too hot for the general public to hear right now, but realize that this isn’t the end for OBJ and the Giants. We will get to the bottom of this and they will almost certainly get to the bottom of the NFC East.

Week 10 College Football Preview

Due to the extraordinary circumstances of this week in college football, I have decided to focus on only 2 games. This week we are #blessed with not 1 but 2 top 10 matchups. Those will be the focus of this week’s preview, although you should also watch Michigan and Penn State this week, as this is the biggest game for Michigan until they play Ohio State.

#6 Georgia (-9) at #9 Kentucky 2:30 CT CBS

I will start with what is probably the lesser 2 of the top 10 matchups. Kentucky has been on a mission to prove they are not just a basketball school and has lost only one game all season to Texas A&M in OT. They have done this largely on the back of their defense, which ranks first in the nation in scoring defense, and their running game led by Benny Snell. This season has gone so well for them they have even trademarked Benny Snell’s signature statement: “Snell Yeah!” The leader of the defense is a familiar name for NFL fans, but it might be because he shares it with a future NFL Hall of Famer who has a rocket arm, big hands, and looks good in shorts. Josh Allen has had a dominant season as an edge rusher, totaling 14.5 tackles for loss and 10 sacks through 8 games and figures to be a top 10 pick in the NFL draft. Kentucky will need him to wreak havoc on Georgia QB Jake Fromm if they hope to have any success. While Kentucky’s defense has been dominant, the offense has struggled mightily, scoring no more than 15 points in their last 3 games. In their last game at Mizzou, Kentucky played 2 different quarterbacks before scoring on the last play of the game to win 15-14. Ultimately, I think Kentucky will need to score more than 14 points to win as Georgia’s offense found a solid rhythm against Florida. I think Kentucky can keep it close, but expect Georgia to pull away in the end. Georgia -9.

GAME OF THE WEEK/SEASON: #1 Alabama at #3 LSU(+14.5) 7 ET CBS

This is the game we’ve been waiting for all season: Alabama’s first big test after playing what has so far been a fairly easy schedule. To be fair, their average margin of victory has been 38.2 points as Tua and Co. have eviscerated opponents. I don’t think I need to tell you though how good Bama is, as Bama being good is almost boring. For the rest of this post, I will try to convince you that LSU does in fact have a chance to win. Yes, this may be the best offense Bama has in Saban’s reign of terror. However, they have yet to play a defense the caliber of LSU’s. LSU will be missing linebacker Devin White, arguably their best player, in the first half due to a bogus targeting call against Mississippi State, but they still boast one of the best secondaries in college football. Redshirt Sophomore cornerback Greedy Williams has gone full Gordon Gekko and has let us know “Greed(y) is good,” by effectively shutting down half the field for the opponent’s passing game.

If you need another reason LSU could win, they are the official team chaos of college football. They earned this title as the champion of 2007, which was the “Year of Chaos” in college football. It was such a wild year that powerhouses Kansas, Cal, Boston College, and South Florida were all ranked 2nd in the nation at one point. LSU won it all despite having 2 losses (both in triple overtime), as the last 2 weeks of the season saw numerous teams above them fall to let them get in. Les Miles was dialing up fake field goals and punts left and right, and it was a truly glorious time in college football where any top team could go down to an unranked team on a given Saturday. That was before the dark times, before Nick Saban’s empire…

You may be wondering when the last time a top 4 team was a double digit home underdog. The answer may give you hope for LSU. The last time a top ten team was a double digit was in 2013 in a game also involving Alabama and an SEC West rival, but Bama was only favored by 10. Of course, the game (215) 346-9023

The biggest reason to be optimistic is that LSU’s band has finally started to play “Neck” again. Why is this important? Well, I did some research and the results will shock you!

According to the LSU blog “Tiger Droppings,” the Golden Band from Tigerland started playing Neck in 2006, although there was much debate about the first time it was played. For research purposes, we are going to say it started then. Then, the song was allegedly banned in 2010; however, there is video of this song being played in 2011. It did go away for awhile but has come back for special occasions. It came back last year when O’Dell Beckham Jr. was rumored to have wanted to hear it so bad he agreed to pay whatever fine was levied against the band for playing it. It was played this year late in the game against Georgia, causing an uproar amongst uptight LSU administrators and fans. Coach O has said he likes the song, so hopefully, it stays for good as my research shows it needs to.

For research purposes, I will say the band played “Neck” at all games from 2006-2011, Texas A&M last year when OBJ had it played, and the Georgia game last year. (all season record data from Wikipedia)

In their entire history from 1893-2017, LSU’s record is 787-412-47, good for a winning percentage of .650 while claiming 3 national championships.

When the band plays “Neck,” LSU is 66-16, good for an .805 winning percentage, and they won one of those 3 national championships in 2007 and appeared in another.

Excluding the “Neck” games, LSU’s winning percentage is .619 with 2 national championships.

So, to recap, LSU has won 20% more games when they play “Neck.” In 116 seasons not playing “Neck,” LSU has won 2 national champions, or 2% of seasons. In the 8 seasons of playing “Neck,” LSU has won one natty, or 12.5% OF SEASONS!!!!

In conclusion, LSU needs to let the band play “Neck” to drastically improve their chances of victory.

Back to the game. I think LSU can keep this one close. They always play Bama close, and Nick Saban usually plays it conservative against LSU. LSU has a really solid defense even without Devin White and Tua has yet to play a tough road game. For LSU to win, they need QB Joe Burreaux to play well, as its always tough to run on Bama. Sure, Ed Orgeron is not the coach Nick Saban is, but underneath the amazing Cajun accent and memes, Coach O has himself a team with top talent on defense. I’ll end this week with Coach’s own eloquent words that describe my feelings towards Bama:

Image result for coach o hold that tiger

 

 

 

College Football Week 9 Preview

Week 8 Recap: Last week was a disastrous week for me, but admittedly a great week for college football. I went 1-4 on my game picks (3-0 on GameDay picks) as Only Coach O was able to lead me to victory behind a shutdown performance from LSU’s defense in what I labelled a potential trap game. While LSU’s offense wasn’t great, the defense suffocated Mississippi State and held MSU quarterback Nick Fitzgerald to 8 completions on 24 attempts and 59 yards passing and 4 interceptions. The most controversial play of the game came on a questionable targeting call on arguably LSU’s best player Devin White, resulting in White being suspended for the first half of the Alabama game in 2 weeks. LSU tried and failed to appeal the suspension, with fans resorting to buy billboards near SEC headquarters to try to persuade them. Michigan State not covering the spread was by far the biggest disappointment. This game had all the hallmarks of a classic Michigan State upset: bad weather, trick plays, and forced turnovers. When Michigan State made it 7-7 in the 3rd quarter despite having less than 100 yards of total offense If you recall, I picked Michigan State to cover 7.5 against Michigan based on an analogy to the battle of Thermopylae between the Spartans and Persians. While I still think my analysis was solid, the key difference was the leaders of each team. The undermanned Spartans at Thermopylae were lead by the great warrior King Leonidas. Meanwhile, the Michigan State Spartans were led by quarterback Brian Lewerke, which is like being led by Magickarp but instead of only being able to use Splash, Lewerke could only throw incomplete passes, throwing only 5 completions in 25 attempts.

The highlights of the week, though, were from 2 schools not known as football powerhouses: Purdue and Washington State, both of whom seemed to be competing to tug at the nation’s heartstrings. Washington State did not disappoint in hosting Gameday, as it appeared they had the entire city there even though it started at 6am local time. Hearing the story of the flag that has been at the last 217 GameDays and seeing the passion of the Cougar fans for their school is something that is unparalleled by other sports. The game itself was a 27-0 blowout for the first half, as Wazzu fed off of the insane atmosphere that was brewing all day. However, Oregon and potential first overall pick Justin Herbert fought back to make the game 27-20. The Cougs then went on a clutch final drive, and in true Mike Leach fashion, converted a 4th and 6 from the Oregon 34 before going on to score to put the game away. Oh and this play happened… (I wish I could find a better video)

The most emotional story of the week came out of West Lafayette, Indiana. Purdue Sophomore Student Tyler Trent has been battling cancer the last 5 years but has been attending classes at Purdue until his condition worsened and he has been moved to hospice care. He was the subject of a GameDay segment that is sure to bring tears to anyone. Inspired by Tyler, Purdue whipped 2nd ranked Ohio State 49-20 in what was probably the most good vs. evil matchup you will ever find. Normally, that type of upset, and Urban Meyer’s numerous surrender cobras would be the top story, but Tyler has dominated the headlines recently. He has appeared on Good Morning America and hosted Sportscenter with Scott Van Pelt and has received shoutouts from Purdue NFLers Drew Brees and Ryan Kerrigan. While there are many stories of people fighting cancer, I find his to hit especially close to home. Tyler is doing and saying what I think I would do if I had cancer and not much time left. I would go see my favorite sports team play. You can tell he doesn’t even know what to make of his condition or his newfound fame but is just trying to make the most of his time left. He continues to ask people to donate to the hospital that helped keep him alive for so long. For those interested, the link is in his Twitter bio.

Week 9 Preview: 

College GameDay Game of the Week: 7 Georgia vs. 9 Florida (+1) 2:30 PM CT CBS

Week 9 has less in store than week 8 and what week 10 will bring (Alabama at LSU). The highlight is Georgia vs. Florida in Jacksonville for the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and that is the site of ESPN’s College Gameday.

GameDay Preview:

  1. Corso picks Georgia. Corso is a Florida State guy and will not want to put on the Gator head unless he really thinks they’ll win.
  2. There will be a segment on Feleipe Franks’ turnaround under new Florida coach Dan Mullen.

Game Preview: I like Florida in this one as they have looked solid since losing to Kentucky at home, who is actually good. Georgia has looked off this season compared to last season, especially on offense as their run game has not been as strong after losing Nick Chubb and Sony Michel to the NFL. In addition, Florida has dominated the rivalry recently, winning 20 of the last 26 games against UGA. UGA did trounce them last year 42-7, so Florida has revenge on their mind heading into this one. Florida’s offense has found its rhythm recently under 1st year coach Dan Mullen, who has proven himself once again to be the quarterback whisperer by making Feleipe Franks into a solid starter, throwing for 15 TD to only 5 INT. Florida +1

Bonus content from 2009: (Must be awkward to now have a coach that also wears a visor)

11 AM Game of the Week: 20 Wisconsin (-4) at Northwestern FOX

Wisconsin comes into the game in what has been a somewhat disappointing season, losing to BYU and Michigan in ugly fashion. Still, the Badgers find themselves in control of their own destiny to win the Big Ten West, but need a win here to stay in control. Northwestern, in typical Northwestern fashion, lost to Duke and Akron in non-conference play, but have proven themselves a formidable foe in conference play, upsetting Michigan State and coming close to beating Michigan. Wisconsin may have to play the game without quarterback Alex Hornibrook, who is in the concussion protocol. If he doesn’t play, it is likely they turn to Jack Coan for his first career start. While there is not a lot on Coan, he appears to have more scrambling ability than Hornibrook does which could help the Badgers pick up 3rd downs in the passing game. Evanston has been a brutal place to play for Wisconsin recently, as they have lost 4 of their last 5 at Ryan Field despite Wisconsin fans dominating the crowd. This time, I expect Wisconsin to establish the running game like they always do and a now healthy Andrew Van Ginkel to pressure star Northwestern QB Clayton Thorson, providing much needed relief to Wisconsin’s injured secondary. Obviously, Coan potentially starting is the ultimate wild card. However, given the conference championship implications, Northwestern at 11 AM is not the trap game it normally is. Wisconsin covers -4.

Obscure Game of the Week: San Diego State (-4) at Nevada 9:30 PM CT ESPNU

If you want to watch a good defense, this is the game for you. Despite having the 120th ranked offense and averaging under 21 points scored per game, SDSU has won 6 games in a row after losing the opener to Stanford, beating Arizona State and Boise State along the way. They have done this with the 19th best defense in the country and allowing 18.7 ppg. Nevada (4-4) comes back home victorious after beating Hawaii 40-22. However, “defense wins championships” and while this may not be a championship and is instead a random Mountain West Conference game, the saying still stands as SDSU’s 19th ranked defense is definitely better than Nevada’s 99th ranked defense. SDSU -4.

 

 

 

My Week 8 Picks

You’ll have to take my word for it, but I actually did go 3 for 3 last weekend with some laughably easy picks like the Chiefs and the Vikings. But alas, the crushing loss of Game 7 was enough to keep my creative juices from flowing Sunday morning. So here are my Week 8 picks:

MIA vs HOU (Under 44)
Brock Osweiler will be harder than his Geodude tonight as he steps onto the field against his former team in hopes of proving himself worthy of a starting job in the NFL. I expect Osweiler to come out slinging in hopes of showing Houston that he too can throw the deep ball, but unfortunately, those balls are going to be slung straight into the hands of literally any blue jersey he can find in the Houston secondary. Miami is hurting right now on offense and the two players (Stills and Gesicki), that actually moved the chains last week aren’t playing, leaving deadbeat running back Drake all alone (just like Adonis) to take on that Houston front. I don’t see Miami putting up more than 10 to 13 points tonight and Brock is going to leave the stadium with his eyes a little Misty from the beatdown he will receive from this Texans D.

 

(will update Sat/Sund with more picks)

(514) 978-1929

 

Week 7 Recap: Week 7 was a week of blowouts across all my picks. Wisconsin lost by double digits to Michigan as I predicted, and LSU crushed Georgia. However, Oklahoma State and Hawaii both got clobbered. Of those, LSU crushing a playoff contender in Georgia is probably the most surprising. However there are two reasons LSU won this game. First, trailing by 3, Georgia tried a fake field goal. Now, I know Les Miles is no longer the coach at LSU, but the Mad Hatter basically invented the fake field goal. To try to run it on his old team is one of the dumbest things you can do as a coach. Obviously, Kirby outSmarted himself with the play call and it was stuffed with ease. LSU never looked back, jumping out to a 16-0 halftime lead, before winning 36-16 and pounding Georgia for 275 rushing yards. The 2nd reason, and the big surprise of the game, other than the scoreline, was the re-apparance of a certain controversial song that the LSU band is “supposedly”banned from playing. For the unfamiliar, the song is called “Neck” and I’ll let you decide if it is ban-worthy (more to come on this song in a later blog ..). 

My Betting Record: 3-2. Against the Spread I was 2-2, with the over hitting on Michigan and Wisconsin after Wisconsin got a garbage time TD pushing my prediction record to 3-2. At least they were good for something. I also went 2-1 on my College Gameday prediction threads, with Corso picking the Badgers and a lengthy discussion if Texas is back (still not back according to most of the crew), but there was no segment on Shea Patterson.

Betting Picks: 3-2

Gameday Picks: 2-1

Week 8 Preview

College Gameday Preview: COLLEGE GAMEDAY IS AT WASHINGTON STATE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! 

But seriously, I know Gameday can be painful to watch. 3 hours of either cheesy or sappy segments about players and teams you mostly don’t care about. This week is worth watching. The Pullman City Council has declared a state of emergency for Saturday as Gameday is in Pullman for the first time EVER. For those who haven’t watched Gameday in the last 15 years (what are you doing with your life?), a Washington State flag has been flying in the crowd for 217 straight weeks. It all started in September 2003, when Wazzu alum Tom Pounds decided to drive 700 miles from Albuquerque to Austin to wave his homemade Wazzu Ol’ Crimson flag, hoping to entice Gameday to go to Pullman. He then sent the flag to another alum to wave the flag in Madison, WI the next week. Pounds eventually formed the Ol’ Crimson Booster Club to pay for shipping and coordinate who waves the flag at the next game. The tradition would have died if not for a Delta airlines employee who took red eye flights 10 weeks in a row to get it to the game. Gameday is finally coming to Pullman 15 years after it all started. To put this Herculean effort into perspective, r/CFB, a subreddit with 514k subscribers and an actual platform to figure out who should get the flag, attempted to have an r/CFB flag fly at every Gameday. After starting week 1 this year, it lasted all of 7 weeks until the user responsible for waving the flag at Michigan decided to go to his son’s soccer game instead. 

Gameday Predictions:

  1. There will be a segment on Tom Pounds, the man who started the Ol’ Crimson waving tradition.
  2. Corso will pick Wazzu. Oregon may be a better team, but I think the massive crowd on hand will sway Corso to pick Wazzu, though Corso has gone against the home team often this season.
  3. Rumors are that NBA Champion Klay Thompson,  former Wazzu basketball player, will be the guest picker. However, this has been denied from a few sources. Rather than try to predict from the hundreds of potential options for guest picker, for my third prediction, I predict they will do a segment on Head Coach Mike Leach’s quirkiness. This is a guy who once lectured his players for 3 hours on the history of pirates and once owned a pet raccoon named Bilbo Baggins, so there is material aplenty.

Image result for mike leach pirate

Also, if this ad from The Ol’ Crimson Booster Club doesn’t make you feel some type of way, you’ve got something wrong with you.

Game Prediction: #12 Oregon (+3) vs. #25 Washington State FS1 6:30 ET

Wazzu’s air raid offense has been flying high so far this season, led by graduate transfer quarterback Gardner Minshew. However, Oregon (5-1) might be back to their Chip Kelly glory days. Led by one of the top NFL QB prospects in Justin Herbert, Oregon comes in after beating Washington in overtime last week, with their only loss coming in overtime after they blew a 17-point lead to Stanford. Ultimately, I think all of the hoopla surrounding Gameday proves to be too much of a distraction, and Wazzu does not cover -3.  Oregon +3.

11 AM Game of the Week: #6 Michigan vs. #24 Michigan State (+7.5) FS1 11 AM ET

Mark Twain once said “history does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes.” Well, this week might be one of the longest wait times for a rhyme in world history. 2,498 years ago, in 480 BC, a Persian army rumored to be 1 million strong (probably more like 100k) invaded Greece. They were met by a much smaller army of 7,000 Spartan warriors, led by King Leonidas, in what is known as the Battle of Thermopylae and inspired the movie 300 after the Spartans were left with only 300 men to defend the narrow pass of Thermopylae. Why do I bring this up? Well, the Persian Empire was located in modern day Iran. This week, former IRAN President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tweeted this gem:

Now that Michigan (6-1) has the backing of the former leader of Persia (Iran), history will rhyme as their stronger Persian force invades an underdog Spartan army. In addition, the Spartans have been a thorn in Michigan’s side for a decade. Michigan State (4-2) is 8-2 against Michigan ever since former Michigan running back Mike Hart infamously called Michigan State “little brother.” This week, against what is a superior team across the board, I expect the Spartans, like at Thermopylae, to at least keep it close, which in this case means within a touchdown. MSU +7.5.

SEC Game of the Week: #22 Mississippi State vs. #5 LSU (-6.5) 6 PM CT ESPN

As mentioned before, LSU (6-1) is coming off a huge home win against previously 2nd ranked Georgia. This game could be a trap game for LSU as they head into a bye before hosting Alabama on November 3rd and are coming off a big win. While Mississippi State (4-2) is no slouch and coming off a bye, this is a game LSU needs to win if they want to prove themselves worthy of the rank and new-found hype. This season, LSU is the ultimate wild card, coming in with low expectations but already foiling the predicted undefeated Georgia vs. undefeated Alabama matchup in the SEC championship game, which would indicate LSU may slip up here. However, Mississippi State without Dan Mullen as the head coach just doesn’t feel as lethal, especially in Death Valley.

Stat of the Week: LSU has 1,415 passing yards this season. They also have, you guessed it, 1,415 rushing yards. 

I like LSU’s balanced offense to control the line of scrimmage, with Joe Burreaux making the necessary throws to win the game against a Mississippi State team that relies too heavily on quarterback Nick Fitzgerald, who leads the team in both passing and rushing. LSU -6.5.

Obscure Game of the Week: Nevada at Hawai’i (-3) 11PM CT STADIUM APP

This is the real test of whether fans can pass the Hawaii test. Coming off a blowout loss at rejuvenated BYU, The Rainbow Warriors ar back to their usual tricks, playing at a ridiculous time for those of us on the mainland with the game only available for watching on an app that was founded last year. To be honest, I do not have a great reason for picking this as the obscure game of the week, but this game is on at a time where there is nothing else to watch and Hawaii is normally fun to watch when they aren’t playing BYU. I don’t have a lot of great insight on the game either, but Cole McDonald is too good to have 2 bad games in a row, and Nevada has already lost 4 games this season so they can’t be that good. Hawai’i -3.

Better Obscure Game of the Week: North Texas (+1.5) @ UAB 6PM CT BeIN Sports

The North Texas Mean Green (6-1, 2-1 in CUSA) travel to Birmingham to take on the UAB Blazers (5-1, 3-0 in CUSA) in what is a pivotal game for the Conference USA West Division standings. UAB, a feel good story in 2017 after the university cut football in 2015, went 8-5 last year and earned a trip to the Bahamas Bowl in their first year back as a program. They have built on that this year despite a shocking loss to Coastal Carolina, and a win here would go a long way towards a trip to the CUSA Championship game. The Mean Green are led by their up and coming coach Seth Littrell, who seems destined to coach a Power 5 team sooner rather than later. They also boast solid QB play from Junior QB Mason “369 damn you’re” Fine, who comes in to the game with 16 touchdown passes to only one interception. North Texas +1.5

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Anyone who saw Brandon Bostick stab a rapier straight through the heart of the entire Wisconsin sports fan base knows that you can never relax during a sporting event that takes place in the cheese capital of the world. That being said, I’m convinced that the happiness of sports fans in Wisconsin directly correlates with the amount of big games we blow in the final minutes. Now almost all of you might be saying that is completely ridiculous but I have a theory that if we actually followed through on our potential, we could become what we have always despised as a franchise.

As wisconsin sports fans, we hate dynasties, america’s teams, and legit hate groups (cubs) so, as a fan base, we are constantly edging ourselves to be what we oh so much despise being. What joy is there beating OSU, when by beating them we lose the very essense that makes Wisco great? We are a state build on hopes and dreams and solidified on quality losses that the playoff committeee will never recognize. So relish in the pain, it only makes you stronger. Or at least thats what they tell me. Fuck the cubs, bears, oj, and people who order bud lights in a bottle at the bar

good night Wisconsin

ice whale

Each week I will provide an update on some of college football’s biggest matchups. Since those are well-covered, I’ll also focus on matchups that may be off your radar but should be in your crosshairs. If you need someone to help your hungover self get through that scary moment at 11 AM Saturday morning after Lee Corso puts on the headgear and you hear Beth Mowins voice come through the speakers broadcasting Purdue vs. Illinois, I am here to help. Each week we will pick an 11AM game for you to watch as you regain sobriety.

College Gameday Game of the Week: Wisconsin 4-1 at. Michigan 5-1 ABC 6:30 CT

If you want a little thing in your ying-yang, the gameday crew heads to the university that birthed Desmond Howard’s terrible takes to see the 15th ranked Wisconsin Badgers take on the 12th ranked Michigan Wolverines at 6:30 PM CT. Wisconsin’s already inexperienced secondary is in shambles after giving up over 400 passing yards to 0-5 Nebraska (Big 12 you can have them back), now with 2 cornerbacks questionable and Scott Nelson suspended for the first half. A glimmer of hope for Badger fans in the Big House of Horrors is Michigan has a plethora of injuries on the defensive line. Potential NFL star Rashan Gary is nursing a shoulder injury, while defensive tackles Michael Dwumfour, Aubrey Solomon, and Carlo Kemp are all potentially out for the game. Contrary to the 14-7 game these two teams played 2 years ago that set football back 50 years, we should see some points in this one. Ultimately, I think this game comes down to Wisconsin’s offense as they will need to put up a lot of points to keep up with Michigan who should move the ball with ease against Wisconsin’s Swiss cheese defense. For the gamblers out there, your bet on this game is directly related to how horny for Hornibrook you are as I expect Michigan to be able to slow down Wisconsin’s run game. Feeling 10/10 horni, Badgers +9.5. Feeling 5/10 horni or less, Michigan covers 9.5. I like Michigan in this one because the Wisconsin offense is not built to win in a shootout.

Spread: Michigan (-9.5) vs. Wisconsin
O/U: over 49

 

ESPN’s College Gameday Preview

I’ll even preview the preview show. I think Corso sticks with his preseason National Championship pick and picks Wisconsin. (Did he forget Alabama exists?) They will also do a segment about Shea Patterson and his decision to transfer to Michigan, where they talk about what it’s like playing for Jim Harbaugh. There will also be an “Is Texas back debate?”.

 

Game of the Week: Georgia (6-0) at LSU (5-1) CBS 2:30 CT

Into the Valley of Death rides the 2nd ranked Georgia Bulldogs, hoping to have a better fate than the Light Brigade. LSU, coming off a  27-19 loss to Florida, is looking to bounce back before their inevitable loss to Alabama. Georgia is looking to stay undefeated before their inevitable conference championship loss to Alabama.  However, my stat of the week is Coach O has not lost back to back games since 2007 as the coach of Ole Miss (and that doesn’t really count because he was busy teaching Michael Oher how to play football, don’t mind that he’s only been a head coach for like 3 seasons since)

Some say if you have two quarterbacks, you really have none. Countless legendary coaches such as Tom Landry and Da Coach Mike Ditka have tried and failed to make a 2 quarterback system work. In an ultimate sign of hubris, 3 of the 4 playoff teams (Alabama, Georgia, and Clemson) from last year entered the season with 2 quarterbacks sharing playing time. Perhaps, they were just trying to level the playing field for everyone else. Regardless, Alabama has for the most part settled on Tua while still stringing Jalen Hurts along. Trevor Lawrence is the last man standing for Clemson after every other viable QB has transferred. Only Georgia continues to search for football’s Holy Grail, the successful 2 quarterback system, as they play both Jake Fromm State Farm and Justin Fields, although Fromm gets most of the reps. I think this is the week the 2 quarterback system catches up with the Dawgs. I think this is the week the 2 quarterback system fails Georgia, as Coach Kirby is not Smart enough to pull it off. Not saying LSU will win outright, but I think LSU and Joe Burreaux cover +7 as Georgia’s offense has not looked as potent this season despite having double the quarterbacks this season.

Spread: Georgia vs. LSU(+7)

 

Now to the fun part.

11 AM Game of the Week: Oklahoma State (4-2) at Kansas State (2-4) ESPNU 11am

I would pick Iowa at Indiana, but Beth Mowins is the announcer, making thatgame unwatchable. Purdue vs. Illinois is always an instant classic, but the bastards at Fox Sports scheduled the game for 2:30. After losing to Iowa State, Oklahoma State looks to rebound in Manhattan against another flyover state school. Meanwhile, Kansas State looks to get their first conference win after finally settling on Skylar Thompson after Bill Snyder flirted with a 2 quarterback system for the first 5 games. Not even the Purple Wizard could pull it off, as the 79 year-old-who -should-probably-just-retire finally picked the better of the two guys. A win here is desperately needed to help K-State avoid a disastrous season, as they still have tough games against Oklahoma, Texas Tech, and TCU. While I applaud the Purple Wizard’s decision to finally pick a passer, None Shall Pass against Oklahoma State. Mullet over Purple Wizard.

Spread: Oklahoma State (-7) vs. Kansas State.

Image result for mike gundy mullet>Image result for bill snyder purple wizard

 

Obscure Game of the Week: Hawaii (5-1) at BYU (3-3) ESPN2 9:15 CT

“Can you pass the Hawaii Test?” has become the slogan of the passionate fans who have watched Hawaii play at all times of the day and night and on a wide array of mediums. Similar to Ken Kesey’s acid tests in the 60s, Hawaii what a long strange trip it has been for Hawaii this season. They have had games end well past midnight for those of us on the mainland. Earlier this season, they played a game that was only available for streaming on The Stadium App. If you’re unfamiliar with the platform, their biggest claim to fame is their hire of Brett McMurphy, the man who almost took down Urban Meyer. The Rainbow Warriors have had an impressive season after upsetting Colorado State week 1, also beating Army and Navy (unfortunately they do not support the troops) in their return to the high flying run and shoot offense that brought the Rainbow Warriors notoriety in the early 2000s. This week, it’s a relative easy “test” for fans as they are on ESPN2 at a somewhat reasonable time. BYU is remarkably an 11 point favorite despite getting crushed by Washington and Utah State in back to back weeks, making their upset of Wisconsin feel like a distant memory. Hawaii boasts the No. 2 ranked passer in the country in Cole McDonald, who had a farm, and on his farm he had 24 touchdowns and 2,100 passing yards. McDonald missed the last game against Wyoming, which Hawaii kept under wraps by sending out another player wearing McDonald’s number 13 for the coin toss. It appears to have worked, bringing Hawaii a 17-13 win. McDonald should be back this week, and the trickery can be but aside. I like Hawaii to win this one outright in what could prove to be the sucker bet of the week.

Spread: Hawaii (+11) at BYU or straight up +325

My Week 6 Picks

OAK vs SEA (-3)

Games in London are historically blowouts. Two of the last 5 games in London were shutouts and in every single one the winning team AT LEAST doubled up on their opponent. There is also no way John Gruden believes in timezones so how do we even know if the Raiders will be there at kickoff. Gruden is the kind of guy that would just flip his watch upside-down to account for the time difference. Seriously though, The Seahawks running game is coming together with Carson and Mike Davis healthy, and both are looking really good coming out of the backfield. PFF ranks Seattle’s O-Line at 7th in the league and Oakland’s run defense is 28th in the league giving up 127 rushing yards on average. Also I watched at least 2 minutes of film on Earl Thomas’s replacement Tedric Thompson and I can say with utmost certainty that he’s the best safety in the league. Pete Carroll is going to chew the Raiders up with his jaw of steel and the Raiders are going to fall to 1-5.

WASH vs CAR (+1)

The Redskins came back down to earth last Monday night in what was an absolute pummeling by the good ol’ Saints. Josh Norman has been all over the place, blowing coverages like it’s his job. But the most important stat to note is that the Panthers are 3-0 when Greg Olsen breaks his foot mid-game, and we can almost certainly guarantee someone is going to step on his foot because they are so distracted by his third leg. James Bradberry is coming into his own as his third season with the Panthers proving that he can be a top cornerback in the NFL. Linebacker Thomas Davis is going to have a classic post death of father game and tear apart the Skins. Lastly, Cam Newton is 4-0 against Washington with 9 TDs and 0 interceptions along with 2 rushing TDs. This is the game where everyone realizes that, as per usual, the Skins are going to be an 8-8 team again this year.

SF vs GB (OVER 46.5)

However Rodgers wins this game, the defense is going to make it as hard as possible on him. The Pack will ensure that Morris looks like 2012 Morris all over again and the game will be like 35-26. Also, do NOT sleep on that Kittle/Beathard chemistry that they cultivated in the cornfields of Iowa.